Anyone interested in going to see the Rose Chan musical with me?

Friday November 2, 8:30. RM 68. I’ll drive, have 4 spaces left in car.

I guess a proper post is in order after the string of short and protected ones. (OMG, look at the time)

Just over 2 years ago (if you read my archives) around the end of July into early August, I went through a pretty painful breakup.

There was a lot of hope in that relationship. She was someone I met through family, and I knew her parents and they liked me. But more importantly we liked one another. Shared the same passion for food and it’s creation, loved the same music, laughed at each others jokes. We played, dated, made out… saw movies, curled up, spent quiet moments just staring at one another.

But in the end it ended. She was the kind of person who would at times fall off the face of the earth. She needed her space, to be alone. Never having dated a creature like her before I was in over my head. I craved her so badly, I ended up suffocating the life out of our relationship.

It hurt me very badly. In dealing with it I suppressed so much in me I never felt quite whole again. All I ever wanted after was to be with someone. To love, to hold… Nothing else would quite make me happy ever again. I used to be able to escape to happy places, playing computer games, watching movies, reading, cooking, tinkering, creating art.

I still do all those things, just… they never could quite bring me as much joy as they used to.

So after two years of relationships come and gone, I found someone that just… fit.

She was also someone I met through family, and I also know her parents. And we were really into one another. Loved to cook, shared beautiful moments in Jazz bars, laughing, flirting… dating and making out after…

Then came the part it got really twisted. Life and it’s twisted sense of humor decided that a replay of two years ago was in order. To be sure she’s not the girl who broke my heart 2 years ago. Different age, different place in life. But she too decided to just stick to herself for a while. Unlike before I got no warning.

For a few days after a date, she didn’t answer messages or return my calls. I missed her a lot, but all the while hell bent on not wanting history to repeat itself I didn’t pry. No repeated phone calls, no long e-mails. I just texted once every 1 or 2 days. If she didn’t reply that was it. Then one evening about half a week into it, she did. Apologizing for not answering my messages she said in a hurry that she was just swamped and tied up.

I was just relieved, after all she was just busy with work and life. So I left her to her own.

Then a few days later I had to run an errand near where she worked, so I asked if we could steal a few minutes together and she said yes.

So there I was, it was raining outside, one of those days of heavy rain that makes you want to just curl up with your other and while the day away. But i guess the demands of working life meant you couldn’t do that so, I guess a few stolen kisses would suffice. Or so i thought.

Right there, right in the middle of that I though was a relationship that was carefully started out, that meaningful might come out of, she ended it with me. Just like that. Just Wham! I didn’t even see it coming.

What was worse was the moment it happened, the way it happened, it was exactly like 2 years ago. A calm silence, followed by the sudden declaration that I wasn’t her type. That it was her, not me. That I was too nice and being with her would be bad for me. Everything.

After so long I’ve learn’t not to just jump into things. To wait and see if a relationship really had a chance before investing myself in it. She had to kiss me, to say that she’d like to work on it with me… and pull the plug just after I finally would believe this was something.

It hurt. God it hurt. and I fully expected it to hurt like it did once upon a time. And it did it. But oddly the day after that, I found a but of serenity. Something I hadn’t felt in a very long time. I remembered what it was like to not crave. To find happiness in the little things, to live.

It was odd. It was very unlike the person that I’ve grown so familiar to being.

So here I am right now. I guess I won’t say I’ll stop being the emo person that I am, but I’m going to just break out of this and learn to find myself. Do things I’d not usually do and live more.

And *hugs* to all of you who were there for me. For consoling me, for making me smile, for telling me it’s OK to be alone. You know who you are.

A glass. it’s got 2 shots Midori, 1 shot baileys, 60ml cream on ice, topped off with fresh squeezed honeydew.

I’m so paying for this tomorrow. XD

Because I only end up saying things I’ll regret later.

I pray for sleep tonight.

I don’t know what it is about me. I really needed this break, been looking forward to the really long weekend. Heck my weekend is longer than usual because my company doesn’t get back to work until Wednesday.

But it’s been so restless. I can’t seem to take it easy… but I don’t feel like doing anything either. To be sure I always have work to do and what’s more I have some side projects to complete.

Plus my “person”, my confidant, is away on holiday. It’s an odd break in routine sitting here with something to talk about and not seeing her online. Makes me realise how accustomed I’ve grown to her presence.

Plus… I miss someone…I miss her a lot. I was hoping to see her this long weekend, but she seems to have fallen off the face of the earth… to put it in her own words. I really just want to call her and talk… but then again I know she’s busy and I don’t want to be a bother… or to pressure her… God knows what happened the last time I tried to rush things in a relationship.

I really need to find myself again. I need to learn to live. Not be a slave to my job, a slave to fulfilling expectations and just be myself.

2005 Miami U. Cheezies a cappella: Facebook Song

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.