Somehow…
Sigh.
Days like these take so much out of me. Maybe I should just give it up.

Some nights I run out of energy to hold everything together.

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

It’s all right there in wikipedia.

This catch-22 is tough for college students: one must have a degree to get hired, but cannot get hired without 1-2 years of practical experience. This cycle is infuriating for recent graduates. The few graduates that do land decent jobs after graduation usually have to work 15-20 hours per week at a job during college and, because of this, they may end up missing social events that university life has to offer without implementing adequate time management. These students frequently desire romantic relationships but simply do not have the time in college to gain or sustain them. Thus, they may end up with a job after college but long for a romantic partner and feel as unfulfilled as the graduates who have a partner and no job.

No matter how hard I work or how much I make, that which I want the most can’t be earned with any amount of effort or bought with any sum of money.

Life’s greatest irony is that the best thing in life is free.

Three things make the world go round. Trust, Integrity and Honor. Essentially “I trust you to have the integrity to honor your word.” It is the essence of every transaction, every agreement, every human undertaking; be it communal, personal or financial.

When it so sadly comes to pass that members of a society can no longer trust one another, societies collapse; when the integrity of traders and bankers disintegrate, economies are run aground. Without spouses’ trust for one another, families fall apart. Very simply, in a world without honor, the lives of men are ruined.

What then can you say about a person who is untrustworthy, fickle and dishonorable?

Let me tell you something real
something true
my hearts so starved it may as well be blue

nothing in my life is ever real
never hale
despite all the effort… i always fail

You are the one - forever true
_____ ___
the pain in my heart… because of you

Working in the line I’m in, ones time is precious. Sleep is a luxury and time away from work is to be carefully rationed and spent purposefully - as anyone for that matter who works the kind of hours I do would agree. So it’s kinda disappointing that someone would just blow me off like I didn’t matter.

I mean, there we were trying to make plans for the evening, you said you just needed to check with your family if anything was up and would get back to me, that was perfectly understandable. After all, family is family. But then to let me know at 6:30 as I knock off work happily looking forward to dinner that someone else had invited you last minute to another thing and you wanted to do that instead and ‘maybe’ move me next week… well… I’m lost for words really.

I only asked if today was OK because I knew I had time I could commit (how much harder this will be once the crazy starts again next week…) and we’ve been saying for while now that we should do dinner one day… and above it all, I really did look forward to the company.

To top it all off… I found the time to help you out when you needed it, despite my workload. I gave my weekend and Sunday, despite my other responsibilities, doing things that anyone who has ever done would know is tedious and time consuming, because i knew it would make you happy, because it would help your career and simply just because you are my friend. I’m not trying to hold this against you. It was my pleasure doing you the favor, I don’t regret it and I don’t expect anything in return.

Just that I hope you know how much I value my time and my friends, you among them.

To be fair, I really shouldn’t judge, after all I don’t know what transpired in the hours between after we talked and 6:30, but from my perspective, whatever it was that really happened just left a really bad after taste. Not the way to start a holiday.

… I’ll find you.

Last night was fun… The movie turned out to be (not unexpectedly) so-so… but the company was epic.

Just feeling depressed at the moment… Maybe it’s just over due, after keeping myself busy for so long, distracting myself from that which haunts me from within…
It’s just everything, the deadlines, expectations, the unfinished business, the obligations… […]

“… emotionally stable, attractive and available. You can only have two out of three.” –Calvin, over Vent, which in a nutshell sums up my frustrations at finding a partner in life.

Dating on and off (and mainly the latter) for the past three years (God, has it been that long?) I’ve been with women who I’ve found to be amazingly attractive, but either in a bad place in life or simply hard to acceptably comprehend; ladies who are every bit practical and by all accounts comfortable people to be with, long term material, but mundanely so…

… and then of course, once in a very long while you meet someone capable of giving the cynic in you a swift kick in the head and make you believe just maybe the perfect person for you does exist.

Someone smart, witty, with exceptionally broad interests, someone who just in conversation makes you forget the tribulations of daily life and excites the idealist in you… and yet despite all those ideals, is firmly rooted in reality… practical and a go getter.

Someone who shares more than a passing interest, but a lot of the philosophies in life you believe in. Enough similarities you don’t feel like doing like Homer Simpson unto Bart, but enough difference that each time you meet her you feel like a a child with a new puzzle… so many facets to explore.

Of course, what in life is really but a tease after all, especially when it tends to be that someone so special… so close to perfect and unspoilt, is inevitably spoken for.

The cynic gracefully picks himself off the floor.

“All’s fair in love and war.” A lady friend of mine quipped the night before. But I digress… I’ve never been one to take what isn’t mine. Besides, what war has ever been fought without cost to those involved and those who just happened to be caught in the cross fire?

Perhaps perfection really is best admired from afar.

*sigh*